“Marriage is Not Financial Security”: A Candid Letter to Young Couples
Reality Check on Romance and Migration
Let’s face it—there’s a stereotype that shadows many Filipinas who marry foreigners, particularly Germans or other Europeans. We’ve all heard the whispers, the jokes, the assumptions: “Ah, kaya pala… jackpot!” Or worse, “She’s just securing her future.”
But here’s the bold truth that needs to be said, loud and clear: marriage is not a financial plan. It is not an escape route, nor a visa strategy, nor a guaranteed passport to a better life. If anything, rushing into marriage for these reasons can often lead to disappointment, heartache, and identity loss.
Why do many Filipinas marry Europeans?
Some say it’s love. Others say it’s the opportunity for a better life. Some believe it’s simply destiny. Then again, some critics—especially from outside the Asian community—will bluntly claim it’s all about money. And while not all these perspectives are false, they’re far from the full picture.
For many, especially women coming from economically challenged backgrounds, marrying a foreigner might seem like an attractive path to stability. After all, life in Europe offers systems that are more progressive: divorce is legal, gender roles are evolving, and financial support for families is more structured. For those who’ve witnessed generational cycles of poverty or dysfunction, these opportunities feel life-changing.
But let’s not romanticize the situation. Reality abroad isn’t always Instagram-worthy. Living in Germany, or anywhere in Europe, comes with its own set of emotional, cultural, and social challenges—especially for women expected to suddenly adapt, work, raise children, learn a new language, and navigate a vastly different culture.
A Cultural Disconnect
Let’s rewind to a simpler time—our grandparents’ era. Marriage in the Philippines was sacred. Courtship was poetic: harana under the moonlight, chopping wood for your beloved’s parents, and no talk of “live-in” before marriage. Those traditions were grounded in respect and intention.
Today, in a more globalized and digital world, things have changed. Many marriages are born out of online connections, whirlwind romances, and sometimes, the unspoken hope of migration. But when the foundation is shaky, even a fairytale setting like Europe can feel like a cage.
My Own Wake-Up Call
Years ago, I worked in Dubai as an engineer and got sent to Germany for a solar exhibition. When I returned, a colleague—an Indian man—jokingly asked if I was pregnant. I was confused and slightly offended. Only after living in Germany for over 15 years did I finally understand the underlying stereotype he was alluding to. It was a harsh, unfair assumption: that Filipinas who come to Europe are either mail-order brides or “secured” by pregnancy. So mean. So untrue. And yet, it reflects the bias we often don’t speak about.
So how do you know if it’s real love?
Here’s the crux of it: Real love doesn’t promise luxury, it promises partnership. It’s waking up beside someone who respects your past, supports your present, and builds your future with you—not for you. It’s someone who sees your strengths, not just your needs.
Before saying “I do,” ask yourself:
- Would I still choose this person if they were stripped of their passport, paycheck, and perks?
- Have we had hard conversations—about money, culture, faith, children, and roles?
- Do I feel safe emotionally, mentally, and physically with this person?
- Do we both respect each other’s families, roots, and aspirations?
To the young and in love:
Marriage is beautiful, yes—but only when it’s rooted in honesty, maturity, and mutual effort. Don’t enter it expecting it to fix your life. Fix your life first. Heal, grow, and know yourself. Then love—freely and wisely.
Because in the end, a foreign last name or a European address won’t matter if your heart is restless and your soul feels unseen.
