“Should We Stay or Walk Away?”: When Love Needs a Hard Look
Romance or Red Flag? A Woman’s Guide to Choosing Wisely
Let’s be honest. When you’re still in the honeymoon stage of a relationship—those “bed of roses” days—it’s easy to ignore red flags. We get swept away by sweet words, foreign accents, or the idea of a better life abroad. But behind every Instagram-worthy love story is a reality we often refuse to see.
If you’re not married yet and already feel uneasy, pause. Don’t wait until it’s too late to ask the hard questions.
Women’s Instinct: Use It, Don’t Ignore It
There’s a tiny voice that whispers to us when something feels off. That’s your instinct—and it’s more powerful than we give it credit for. But why do we so often ignore it? Why do we keep saying “maybe it’s just normal for an AFAM” (a foreign man)? Because we haven’t set clear standards for ourselves.
Red Flags You Shouldn’t Brush Aside
Here are some red flags and caution signs you may be justifying instead of questioning:
- He still lives with his parents.
It might be cultural, or it might be comfort. Either way, it often signals he’s not yet ready to lead a household or build a family of his own. - You got married quickly and moved to Germany.
The excitement of a wedding often overshadows the reality of what marriage truly demands—especially in a foreign land with different laws, values, and expectations. Don’t rush into forever with someone you barely know. - You got pregnant as a way to secure your stay.
Let’s be real: trapping someone into commitment rarely leads to a healthy, loving relationship. If you used pregnancy as a ticket to Europe, the real cost might be emotional and long-term. - He’s in a midlife crisis.
A man who has many unresolved issues—children from previous relationships, unfulfilled desires, or emotional instability—may simply be using you to fill a void, not to build a future. - He’s divorced with financial baggage.
Divorce is common here, but it often comes with huge responsibilities—child support, debt, and emotional trauma. If he’s financially struggling, living with parents, or emotionally unavailable, think twice.
Marriage Isn’t Magic—It’s Work
After the vows, reality sets in. You’ll face new challenges: in-laws, high cost of living, language barriers, cultural differences, and cold winters that go deeper than the weather. Many Filipinas say, “Hindi ito ang ini-expect ko.” But that’s the thing—marriage isn’t about expectation. It’s about preparation.
Thankfully, online communities like Filipino expat groups on Facebook provide valuable insight. They help new brides see beyond the fairy tale and confront the truth: this isn’t a “Bride for Sale” story. This is your life.
Strong Foundations Build Strong Marriages
If you didn’t spend time getting to know each other deeply, understanding his family, praying together, or supporting each other’s dreams—how strong is your foundation? Relationships that begin with uncertainty or convenience are more likely to end in conflict. In fact, 9 out of 10 troubled marriages lacked true understanding and shared values at the start.
Here’s a Better Question to Ask Before You Say “Yes”
“What can I contribute to this relationship?”
Not “What can I gain?”
Love is a partnership, not a transaction. A lasting relationship is built on mutual respect, shared growth, and emotional maturity. The worst mistake you can make? Expecting too much without offering anything in return.
Stay or Walk Away?
That’s a question only you can answer—but don’t rush it. Don’t ignore the red flags. Don’t drown out your inner voice. And most of all, don’t trade your standards for a fairytale.
