“How Do You Know If It’s Real Love?”: A Wake-Up Call for the Hopeful Heart
By Maria Theresa Pascual Hausstätter
We all ask it. In the quiet corners of our hearts, in late-night conversations with friends, or even while staring at a photo of someone we hope is “the one.”
How do you know if it’s real love?
The truth? You don’t—unless you pray for it.
I’m a firm believer in prayer. When everything else feels uncertain—when emotions run high and logic gets blurry—prayer grounds you. It lifts your vision from fleeting feelings to long-term faith. And when it comes to marrying someone from a different culture or country, especially a foreigner, prayer becomes not just a hope, but a necessity.
Love Isn’t a Checklist
Too often, we mistake a comfortable life for a compatible love. A good job, a nice car, a cozy house, and a tall, handsome AFAM (foreigner)—these seem like green flags. But remember this: material things can fade; character doesn’t.
It’s tempting to fall for status, but if that’s your main filter, what happens when the money slows down? When the charm wears thin? When the lifestyle changes? Marrying someone from abroad—especially when you’re hoping to start a new life—isn’t just about romance. It’s about cultural differences, language gaps, opposing beliefs, unfamiliar customs, and unique family dynamics. You need more than chemistry. You need compatibility. You need clarity.
Let’s Talk About Stereotypes
Living in Germany, I’ve heard my share of the usual narratives:
- The byuda (widow), matandang dalaga (older single woman), or hiwalay sa asawa (separated) looking for an AFAM for companionship.
- Young Filipinas marrying much older foreign men—not necessarily out of attraction, but from a longing for care or security.
- Women flirting with foreigners, mistaking attention for affection and luxury for love.
Let’s be honest: not all of it is wrong, but none of it guarantees a healthy relationship either.
Love vs. Longing
Here’s the difference:
- Marrying without contributing financially? That’s not love—it’s seeking stability.
- Flirting with someone for benefits? That’s not love—it’s looking for fun and validation.
- Caring for an elderly man just to be cared for in return? That’s not wrong, but let’s call it what it is—mutual need, not mutual passion.
And I know, as you read this, you might be thinking of stories of your own—your friends, your neighbors, maybe even yourself. LOL. It’s okay. That’s the point. Let’s talk about it openly.
Is He Worth Your Time? Look for These Signs:
- A serious man makes time—not excuses.
- He respects your body and doesn’t treat sex like a shortcut to connection.
- He treats you how he treats his mother—so pay attention to that relationship.
- He takes interest in your life, your job, your passions.
- He encourages growth—not control. He pushes you to become a better version of yourself.
If these things don’t ring true in your relationship, maybe it’s time to look inward. Sometimes, the problem isn’t the man. Sometimes, we enter relationships with unrealistic expectations, hoping someone else will complete us or “save” us from our own voids.
A Truth Most Don’t Say Out Loud
Many men today aren’t just looking for beauty or obedience. They’re looking for partnership. For a woman who can stand beside them, not behind them. A woman who can contribute—not just financially, but emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.
And women? We often settle for stability. But men do too.
So what now?
If you’re asking whether it’s real love—pause. Reflect. Pray. The answer might be in how he treats you—but more often, it’s in how you treat yourself.
If you’re constantly chasing love to fill your emptiness, maybe the love you’re really looking for needs to come from within first.
